I wish I had read this book months ago!

We had tried everything to try and show our 3 year old son who is in charge. We could'nt go to restaurants (or almost and public place for that matter) without it ending in a meltdown and being bitten, pinched and hit by our son. Even at home if he didn't get his way he would bite/hit/pinch/scream. We agreed not to spank, but found ourselves yelling often. Many days I ended up in tears. My son's preschool teacher recommeded this book. I stayed up almost all night one night reading it, and put it into action. It has changed everything! Not only does the counting method really work (I had sort of used my own counting before, but I wasn't following the "no talking no emotions" rule), but we just feel more in charge and in control, which our son seems to sense and respond to. He is much better behaved all the way around, but if he does have a meltdown it is gone right after "that's two". I can't believe what a difference this has made in my house!

Works for ADHD

This book saved me alot of grief with my son who has ADHD. What's magic is twofold:
1. A parent is reinforced in his or her own rightful parental power to make decisions and to discipline their child. Learning that you don't have to argue with your child saves alot of unneccesary stress.
2. It's amazing how such a benign consequence to a child's behavior could be so powerful--the child being sent to their room (full of toys and books) for just 5 minutes. But the magic occurs because of the consistency--that is the key.

Strategies for start behaviors (things you want kids to do, like pick up their shoes), and stop behaviors (things you want kids to stop doing) are discussed, all based on the 1-2-3 go to your room. My son was a toughy--still is, but at 13, I'm going to read Phelan's adolescent book.

This methods in this book are kind to the child, and kind to the parent--stops the yelling, arguing, hitting. Some of the behavioral methods I tried before required lots of record keeping, charts, etc. (and didn't work nearly as quickly and well), and this is so exquisitely simple. I also recommend the tape, as it demonstrates some common househould scenarios.

Happy Children Happy Parents

Dr. Thomas W. Phelan is an expert on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder. He is a registered Ph.D. clinical psychologist and is also the author of many helpful parenting books. In this amazing book, he presents three steps to change the negative behavior and reinforce positive behavior in the future. The Index provides you with a way to quickly find the most pertinent subject you are dealing with right now.

The Contents include:

Straight Thinking - A section about how to stop negative behavior and start good behavior. He also presents the two biggest discipline mistakes.

Controlling Obnoxious Behavior - What to do when negative behavior occurs in public. How to handle tantrums and pouting.

No Child Will Thank You - Deals with serious offenses and the six kinds of testing and manipulation.

Encouraging Good Behavior - 7 Start Behavior Tactics, Cleaning Rooms, Mealtimes, Homework, The Family Meeting.

Strengthening Your Relationship - Your Child's Self-Esteem, Overparenting, Affection and Praise, Active listening.

I was amused by the information on "parental temper tantrums." I've seen parents yell at their kids and seen children reel from the verbal abuse. Then I've seen parents lovingly talk to a child about their behavior. Guess which works? How would you want to be treated? If frustration has reached the level where parents are yelling and kids are crying their eyes out daily, something must not be working. This book provides excellent advice and a three-step solution to every problem. Phelan has an interesting take on spankings and he makes an excellent point or two on page 53. He suggests that parents avoid the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit routine.

There is a "how to use this book" section and there are times when psychological evaluation and counseling may be in order.

The 1-2-3 techniques to end arguing are just brilliant. Although, I've seen a parent count 1, 2, 3, and a child is just ignoring the routine. It seems there has to be a negative result that is consistently imposed, like a time out. Some children might enjoy a time out, so that is also a factor to consider. I loved spending time in my room. Hey, there were books there! I also remember sitting in the bathroom and screaming: "You will not spank me, I did nothing wrong." I was actually telling the truth and I remember all the times I was punished when I didn't do anything wrong but was accused by the actual perpetrator.

Parents have to be pretty aware of their children's character to sort out these types of problems. I grew up in the "you did something wrong, you get spanked" no other choices world. Often I would have liked to have been given a second chance or had a conversation about the event. I remember my absolute horror when a child was spanked in my presence when I was a child. I feel that spanking can be abuse when it is used incorrectly. Often it does seem to be a result of frustration and I do have to say that I've seen parents use different "calm" methods and they seem to have better results. And what is the whole "Here, hug me because I love you, no matter that I just spanked the heck out of you routine?" I was only happy my brother got spanked once. When he violently poked me with a large pin. LOL I haven't let him forget that I remember that.

So, what if?

Your child won't stay in the time-out room...
Your kids go nuts when you are on the phone...
A child wrecks the time-out room...
Your child doesn't want to apologize...

Ahh, and then onto the lovely topic of "sibling rivalry, tantrums and pouting." Then onto badgering, tempers and threats. What do you do if your child says they are running away from home? What if a child attacks a parent?

This book also gives parents information about Oppositional Defiance and Conduct Disorder. There is also a list of major, medium and minor consequences. Just because a child is on the phone after a time they shouldn't be doesn't mean you should ground them for a month. Maybe a fine or chores would work. The problem can then be solved in a day and the child can start to practice more positive behavior.

I think these techniques also work on adults when having an argument or when one person is being unreasonable. One of my friends just told me that you deserve what you put up with. So, I think that moving in a positive direction is always in order. There are ways to stand up for yourself without violence. This book teaches you all the techniques that have worked for parents and I can recommend this book to teachers, all parents, grandparents, babysitters and anyone who is looking after children or knows a child. So, this book is for everyone!

I'd almost go as far as to say this would make a wonderful baby shower gift!

~TheRebeccaReview.com