Evolutionary Psychology is a better approach

If you want to understand how conversations
work, I think evolutionary psychology is more
on the mark. I loved Steven Pinker's "How the
Mind Works" and "Blank Slate". It helped me
understand why our behavior is commonly NOT
rational. (our behavior is what it is because
it happens to be what survives the generations).

The only thing I got from this book is the fact
that we normally grossly overestimate the accuracy
of our assumptions about other people. We are
commonly way wrong (on further investigation
(conversation)).

Initially when I read this book (about two years ago),
I was intrigued because I like the idea of resolving
issues by talking. But I think there are lots of
people who do not like to "over analyze". (And I think
evolutionary psychology can explain even this).

For example, a friend may be touchy about a
certain subject because he benefits from some kind
of "cognitive dissonance". He may then have a
very good (eg. financial) gut-based "reason" to
refuse talking about it.

I appreciate the hard work and analysis that went into
this book. And maybe I am failing to grasp the proper
way to apply the concepts. Or underestimating its
usefulness in the right circumstance. But I stand by
my opinion.

Understand conversations deeply

You can't beat the enemy, unless you don't understand him. A difficult conversation is a hard enemy for everyone. This book helps everyone to understand what is the composition of a difficult conversation, what it that makes matters difficult to solve. Certainly in every arguments there are some facts. But even if both parties agree on these facts, there other aspects that have to be counted in order to have a creative conversation. And these other aspects make the conversation difficult. A glass is broken and that is a fact for both. But what are my feelings about that incident and what are yours? And even more, does something interfere with my or your ego?
With this book you will learn how to analyze in detail every situation that implies a difficult conversation. You will understand that it isn't just a matter to convience the other guy to accept your ideas, but to understand deeply the situation to solve the problem.
This is book is very well written and structured, with great everyday examples that help the reader to understand the situations. In most of these examples the reader will recognize familiar situations, as I did. And by reading, you will see a step by step approach to change the way you see your difficult conversations.
This book isn't for fast readers. Unfortunatelly I couldn't find a way to get a usefull result from it, before reading it 3 times. The first time you see the parts of the conversation. The second time you understand the use of the whole process. The third time you can focus on the details, because every difficult conversation is unique and you need a special approach. Everything are in the book, but you have to know what to use in every situation.
Really an excellent book, very well written, very informative and extremelly useful. Highly recommended to all!

get the newer edition (details below)

same title
same authors
same publisher
same format

old page count: 250
new page count: 272
old ISBN: 014028852X
new ISBN: 014027782X
old publication date: 2000-04
new publication date: 2004-11-25

In case you happen to be viewing the
page which details the 014028852X (first Penguin),
you can upgrade to the 014027782X ('new' Penguin)
edition by typing or pasting 014027782X into the
amazon.com Search box (then hit the Enter key).

In case you drive along parkways (no stop-and-go)
OR daily spend considerable time stuck in jams, I
recommend that you opt for the AudioCassette TAPE
(assuming that the obsolete audiotape format can
still be had when you read this). Should tape not
be available already pre-recorded ISBN: 0553525689
then order the audio Compact Disc ISBN: 0553456121
and transfer the audio CD's sound to a cassette. I
tell you this NOT to waste your precious time but
to enable you to better access specific portions
of the audio book ON TAPE, rather than trying to
pinpoint a part (paragraph or sentence) on CD. On
audiotape cassette (either copied from the CD or
somehow obtained as an original Random House tape)
you can fast-forward or replay tidbits (which tape
allows but CD does not). This is applicable to all
books (and music) on tape versus CD, not just this
title. I believe that the ability to instantly
REPLAY a given sentence (or phrase/word) by going
BACK on audiotape is more effective/efficient than
when one must be limited to the cues or tracks of
a CD.
Hope I helped somebody out there.